Sometimes I find myself daydreaming.

I think and scheme about you and I

And for a while, time passes by

With me trying to figure things out,

Thinking about the possibility

That the two of us were meant to be,

That we’re not so hopeless after all.

And for an instant, I almost fall for you.

When that happens, I’d like to see

What it might be like if it were me,

Standing there outside your door

Dressed as the person you’ve been waiting for,

So that maybe then you’d be able to see

All of the things in me

That I see in you.

But this isn’t “Row your boat,” This is reality.

Life isn’t “but a dream,”

It’s tough and it’s mean

and when you don’t get what you want you want,

you don’t always get what you need either.

But still, you somehow find a way

To live, to say

“I’m holding out for some other day.”

“Some other day” my dream will come true.

Just not this dream, just not with you.

But a dream.

A dream that maybe I haven’t had yet.

And that’s the reason it’s hard to forget the old.

So I’ll stay bold, but grounded when it’s light,

And save my real dreams for late at night.

I asked what the word “fuck” meant,

And my mother’s face turned red.

My father looked me in the eye

And sent me off to bed.

I asked what twelve times eight was,

But the teacher did not hear.

She was helping the girl behind me

And I got a C that year.

I asked about my “gayness”,

But the priest said it’s a sin.

He told me to ignore it;

Not to “let the Devil win.”

I asked for your forgiveness

But got an answering machine,

I hung up then and fell apart,

I wish you could have seen.

I asked if hope existed,

But I really felt dismissed.

All I got was medication,

“Here you go, take this.”

I asked if life had purpose,

And the wind was my reply.

I realized from the rooftop

That we live, in fact, to die.

I ask for understanding,

But I guess I’ll never know,

I don’t mean to be dismissive,

But it’s high time I let go.